God Will Teach Me to Fly is a book for women in crisis –
their counselors, their pastors, and their friends.
“I can’t imagine how we’re going to survive this loss. I’ve never known such debilitating pain. I’m frightened; I’m confused. One minute I’m numb, the next minute I’m angry. My entire world has turned upside down and I don’t know how to fix it. What can I do to help myself? What can I do to help my family? Will life ever be worth living again?”
The court calls it divorce, but on the home front it’s a full-blown war. Sometimes it feels like I’m in a battle for my life, or my sanity, or both. But it’s my children who are the real victims. The suffering they are going through is so unfair, and I don’t know how to stop it or how to protect them. How do I help my children through this chaos? How do I get us safely through to the other side?
I’m functional, but broken. Mostly it doesn’t show on the outside, but I know. If I were honest, I’d have to say that I’ve always felt worthless. Dirty even. Violation has affected how I feel about myself. And it’s affected every relationship I’ve ever had. Every day is a struggle with guilt and anger and, of course, shame. Will I ever be free of this pain? Will I ever be able to forgive?
All I want to do is help, but sometimes I feel powerless to make a difference. I’m not sure what to say, or what to do. I wish I knew more about what she was feeling and experiencing. I wish I could walk in her shoes and give her the unconditional love and understanding she needs. I want her to know she matters to me and that she can count on me for the long haul. I’m committed to standing with her for as long as it takes. I care.
I’ve worked with people in pain for a lot of years. Sometimes the stories run together, and it’s easy to let it become just a job. But I know that my clients deserve better. I want to be able to fully enter in to what each of them is experiencing. I want to be able to adequately serve those who entrust their lives to me. Most of all, I want to become a safe haven–one that will always be worthy of my clients’ sacred trust.
Trust is an issue for me. I know there must be more to life than this emptiness and torment and pain. But I don’t know where to find it. All I see around me is hypocrisy and people with their own agendas. I live with a lot of fear. I’ve been hurt and I don’t want to be hurt again. How do I know who to believe? How do I know who to trust? How do I know what is true? Is there really a God out there who cares about me?